Cashiers are always checking me out.
I dropped my laptop off the boat today. It’s a Dell, rolling in the deep.
Spent the entire night trying to create a website for women drivers, but it kept crashing.
I deleted my Twitter because I’m sure people were following me….
I miss everything about LWW. I miss our dance parties, inside jokes, cuddle puddles. I miss Erik and the boxes of donuts on Saturday mornings. I miss walking into the theatre on Sunday mornings with my apple cider in hand. I miss the magical Narnian water fountain. I miss everything being William’s fault. I miss the Peter/Owl relationship and all of the jokes and conversations that came along with it. I miss having a big brother and sister. I miss our QuizFest magazine infatuation during the run. I miss getting my program signed by my cast members like I was some crazed fan pretending I wasn’t in the show. I miss telling Augusto I would turn him to soup – onstage. I miss twirling Natalie at the end of the waltz. I miss when people actually understood my owl alter-ego. I miss doing Susan’s hair everyday. I miss when I wasn’t the craziest of all of my friends. I miss whistling at people from under the bleachers with Bailee. I miss Krysia tipping the vending machine over. I miss running out to the bathroom with Sicily in our costumes during intermission. I miss the awesome improv parody show we all planned throughout rehearsals. I miss the dance rehearsals where we all just goofed off and walked like penguins. I miss the anticipation that lead up to the first time we all saw the sacrifice dance. I miss the dazed, brainwashed faces on all of the guys the first time we performed the lullaby for everyone. I miss listening to Matt actually play Tumnus’ flute. I miss dancing with our invisible partners, and I miss our lovely choir when we didn’t have any music. (Da da, da da, da-da-da x3)
I miss the pizza party and movie with Hannah being the White Witch and me being Aslan and doing the sacrifice dance by ourselves along to the movie. I miss walking into 7-11 with my brother in our stage makeup at midnight after shows. I miss listening to The Script before every show. I miss the long conversations that the three of us had – Nick, Sicily, and I – backstage during Act 1. I miss when Emily and I were talking about boys and then after about 10 minutes we realize that Erik is filming us for the DVD.
I miss everyone. I miss the circle around me and the piano at the cast party. I miss the Witch and Dwarf Show feat. Socially Awkward Harpie. I miss the joy that the Holly and Tyra as Reindeer accident gave me right before I puked and finished the show, puking at all of my exits. I miss our lunches in the bleachers. I miss when Hannah and I blasted “Black or White” by Michael Jackson after the first show of the day and interrupted the volunteer debriefing.
I miss so much more. But I’ve already been missing things for an hour, and if I go any longer it will be midnight.
When you’re on Skype with your grandma and she asks:
“Who is that handsome boyfriend of yours in the picture with you?”
“That would be my brother, Grandma.”
I don’t see it anymore. I just don’t care. I want to be around people who understand, or who at least try. I want friends right now, nothing more. I don’t care about this. It’s unimportant. I want a shoulder to cry on. I wouldn’t mind it being yours, but with you simply being a friend is impossible. You’ve got alterior motives. Just be my friend instead of over-analyzing and making it all complicated. Let there be no feelings.
